BIRTH OF LOVE AND HATRED

    Human brain is even more complex than a computer hard disk. Each person has different behaviour pattern, attributes, virtues and qualities. What a person thinks can never be imagined or known to other person. A personality has both negative and positive side and it affects the others in the society and even helps a person to grow negative or positive in life. I can say that love and hatred are offshoot of a person's behaviour. It is thus said" love begets love" and "hatred begets hatred". It means is that in order to be loved, you must be willing to love. It's similar to love is a two-way street"; you can't expect to be loved if you won't love that person in return. I will discuss a few incidents of my life which had strong impact on my life.

   When I was a small boy of six or seven year old, once one of my uncle brought a packet of biscuit and he wanted to give a few biscuits to me. He called me but suddenly my aunt appeared, snatched the packet from the hands of my uncle and went inside the home. I could not move ahead and came back to my mother.  This had a very serious impact on my thinking towards my aunt. I always kept myself away from my uncle's family. During one of my visit to Andaman, I had gone to another Island and on return from there, the bus had to pass through the village where my uncle's family reside. The bus use to stop for about ten fifteen minutes. Someone told my aunt that I am in the bus and she came and asked me to step down from the bus. She took me home and treated me nicely. But inspite of this, the past incident haunted me again and again. On the next day I came my home gave a serious thought to the changed behaviour of my aunt. I thought and thought for many years and I decided to forgive her past behaviour.

    During our middle school days, we never use to take tiff-en to school and during lunch break we will eat only the snacks given by the school. Often we will come out of school campus for a sort walk. There were Forest and PWD camps close to school and quite often someone may feed us whatsoever was available with them.  This acts of people had too strong impact and taught me to generous towards another person.

    Yet, there is one memory in my mind of a person. He had come to Andaman from Orissa and my parents gave him shelter at our home. My mother and his title was same so we use to call him "Mamaji" or "Mamu". When he had come, he had no money and no clothes to wear. He had reached our home hungry and thirsty. Over a period of time, he got a regular job in Agriculture Department and got a posting in Port Blair where I was studying.  Whenever, he will meet me, he will take out a Rs.10/- note and put it in my pocket. In December 1982, I got a job too. When I met him once he did the same thing which he was doing earlier. He put a Rs.10/- note in my pocket.  I resisted and told him that now I am employed. His behaviour and reply was great. He said, " So what if your employed. You are still child for me."

    These incidents taught me to forgive others, love others and share with others with a generous heart.

    

A TRIBUTE TO MY FATHER

     

On 8 th July, 2012, my mother Carmela Tirkey went heavenly abroad. We had her last rite on 22 nd April, 2013 an soon after two months my father Shri Nicholas Barla followed her to heaven on 9.20 A.M. on 10th July, 2013. As I was informed he had some toothache during the preceding week and administered some pain killers. But all of a sudden on 7th July, he left eating any thing. Initially he was reluctant to go the hospital but on 7.7.2013 he was taken to local medical and on the next day he was referred to G.B.Pant Hospital, Port Blair. Perhaps time had come and he left this world silently and peacefully. He was physically fit but he had suffered for about more than 40 years of leg pain.

My parents are no different than any other parents. But I have special regards for both of them not because they cared us as but both of them sacrificed much for their parents, brothers, their families and for all their relatives too. My mother tells that they were very poor in Jharkhand. We had only small piece of land which was not sufficient for four brothers. My father had to work as a servant to a businessman. He also worked for sometime as daily wager in Ranchi. When he went Andaman in 1954 as a Forest Labourer, he was hardly 19-20 years old. He left behind my mother, my elder brother and sister IN Jharkhand. My brother and sister were hardly 2-3 years old at that time.

In 1959, when people were being asked to settle in Andaman permanently under colonisation scheme, my father too opted for it. Over a period of 2-4 years, he took his parents, my mother, my elder brother, sister, his third and fourth brother. Only my Second uncle was left behind in Jharkhand. My father helped both of his third and fourth brothers to settle them in Andaman, got them married. Not only this, my parents helped my maternal uncle also to settle down in Andaman.I remember, my parents gave shelter in our home to a lot many people from Jharkhand who were new in Andaman. When my second Uncle died in 1976 in Jharkhand, he came Jharkhand in 1977 to settle many issues at our ancestral village. He remained here for about a year leaving his own family at Baratang at the hands of my mother. I recall, he came back some time in April/May 1978 when my result of matriculation was about to come. Prior to this he had brought his elder sister's step son to Andaman so that he is also settles down there. This time in 1978, he brought with him, grandson of my grandmother's sister. When my mother had visited Jharkhand in 1983, she brought with her, her sister's son who still live with our family. There are many such other persons who were not related to us but found shelter at our home.

I was first to born in Andaman. So, I have seen the hardship we and my parents faced in Andaman. Inspite of this, they struggled and educated all of us. My three Uncles are no more but at least their families have a settled life, wherever, they are.

The best and biggest quality of my father was that he was hard working and very generous. I remember that once he purchased a Buffalo for ploughing our field in another Island namely Kadamtala and was coming home. On the way, in Adajig village, my Uncle was residing and he requested that the Buffalo be given to him. Though we were in dire need of that Buffalo, he gladly handed over that to his brother. If anyone asked anything from him, he will give it to him or her without thinking anything. He visited Delhi in 2003. He first went to Jharkhand and my cousin and maternal cousin accompanied him to Delhi. When he came Delhi, he told me he has no money. I gave him money so that he could go back to Andaman. At his own expenses, he took my aunt from Jharkhand for a visit. When he landed at Port Blair I asked him about the journey but he first told me he had no money because he had spent all money out of his generosity.

Since last two years, I often speak to him over phone and ask him about his health. Every time he will say, " We have seen the life and lived it to its fullness so don't worry." Last time in April this year he repeated the same words. I was in Andaman during April 19-28, 2013 for last rite of my mother. I was with him for five days. He was hale and hearty. I noted, he tried to spend maximum time with me. He took me to the Plantation area to show me how had utilised the money I gave him. Even though I was not very well, at his request, I went along with him to the plantation site. Before I left home on 25th April, 2013, he had told others at home to put some spices from our own plantation in my bag.

In my own way I think, he had a satisfied life in this world. We are six brother and one sister. Sister is married to the step son of my father's elder sister itself. Elder brother retired as Postmaster. I am working here in Delhi. Third one is working in Forest Department and fourth one as Teacher. The fifth one looks after the affairs of home and sixth one is a Catholic Priest. My elder brother's elder daughter has two sons and the second one is a Nun in Sisters of Charity of St. Anne.(While I was writing this my father's funeral was over(12.15 p.m. 11.07.2013.)

It is just a chance or coincidence that last year on 8th July my mother expired and this year same month my father too left. Both of them left this world silently and peacefully and in a way they had Holy Death. On my own account, I am grateful and thankful to God for my parents. They did every thing to see me well off. I knew, they were happy with my achievements in life. The only thing which troubles me is that at the last hours, I was not physically present with them but it was all God' will and plan. Thank you Lord for my parents and keep them on your lap. Forgive their worldly sins, allow them to enter into heaven to see the Glory of God.

Affectionate Motherly Love

     World is full of relationships where one find love for each other. Being a Christian, we do not believe in horoscopes but when Information Technology came in, one can get his/her horoscope easily  for free. Someone got a horoscope of mine also. Once I decided to read it and found one prediction " You will be fed by two mothers". When I went my home town, once I asked my mother about its truth and my mother told me that when we had settled in Andaman the cultivation and reaping was done jointly by all villagers. Parents will work in the field and they will leave the small children in a hut nearby. When a child will cry for milk, mothers will come, feed them and go back to work.  Our neighborhood family had a daughter named Janet who was of my age.  So when Janet will cry, her mother will come, feed her and feed me as well. The prediction was 100% correct in my case. This woman to whom I used to call Nani always showed her love to me till she was alive.

   A peasant's family has a very hectic schedule during harvest seasons and everyone has to contribute something and our studies was just a secondary issue. In 1976, I passed out 8th standard from my Island's School and since it was desire of my parents that I become a Priest, I was to leave home a after my Eldest brother's marriage. No barat went and the in-laws of my elder brother brought the bride to my Island and marriage was blessed in the local church. My bhabhiji's name was Jacinta Minj. I even could not talk to her because on the next day I departed for Port Blair. I was to proceed to Kolkata to join an Apostolic School in Gumla, Jharkhand. Unfortunately, I could not get a ticket of the ship and had to come back home. I lived at home for sometime but could become familiar with bhabhiji. I joined Nirmala School in Port Blair and my visit to my home Island was only during Dushara, Christmas and Summer Vacation. She was very cool and simple lady. She will help my mother in whatsoever way it was possible for her. Slowly we became good friends. Whenever, I will go home she will take care of me, feed us like his sons and wash my clothes before I leave for Port Blair. In turn, whenever I used to be at home, I will help her cooking and will try to see that she gets sometime for rest.

     This continued for next 11 years. When I came Delhi and visited home first time, I took a Sari for her. I just asked her, "Did you like it?" She just replied, " Jab tum laye ho to mai pasand nahi karungi kya?". A year after this in 1988, I went for my marriage. There was some impediments in our marriage and seemed marriage will not take place. My father was also annoyed because my marriage proposal was being delayed by girl's side. He refused to go for further talk with the girl's side. Seeing this, I went to my bhabhiji and told her that I am leaving for Delhi because I have exhausted my leave and I will marry after 1990 because in 1990, I had to appear for Section Officer's Departmental Exam. She didnot say anything but calmly went to my father and requested for one more effort to which my father agreed. She came to me and said, "Marry this time because if you delay it, I will not be able to see your marriage." I asked her why? and she insisted  her words and I had to finally agree. This time, the matter was settled and in sort time, my marriage took place and came back Delhi.

    One day me, my house owner and my wife were dining in the night and someone knocked the backdoor with much force. My house owner went and opened the door but no one was there. Again someone knocked the door with great force and I ran towards the door but again no one was there.  Since nothing happened we took our dinner and went to our beds.It was the month of December, 1988. On the next day my elder brother sent me a telegram, informing me that she died after her delievery because the child had already died before he could born. I then recalled her words as to why she had said those words before my marriage and why she had insisted too much for my marriage. I sincerely believe  she had premonition of her death.

    But it was not an end. Frequently she will appear me in my dreams and will not utter any thing. This continued for very long time. I offered many masses for her soul but nothing stopped those dreams. I even went to her tomb and prayed for her soul when I visited first time in 1996 after her death and next time she appeared very cheerful in my dreams. But even after that she will continue to appear in my dreams. I just tried to understand as to what she wanted from me. In fact she had left behind her two daughters and as I could imagine and understand her soul was asking for my help to see that her two daughters settle down in their lives.  The elder niece had no issue even after her marriage and after consulting my wife, I brought her for treatment in Delhi. She has now two sons meaning there by that I have two grandsons.  My second niece too joined a congregation to become a nun.  With this, it is almost 4-5 years now, she never appeared in my dreams. I hope and belief she is enjoying the peace of heaven with our Savior. I always cherish the love and affection which was purely motherly one in my life and thank God for giving me such a nice bhabhiji in my life.

   

My First love...a Sacred Love

     In the year 1985, I was working in Indian Oil Corporation and IOC provided me a two room accommodation. All of a sudden, one day, may be in April, 1985,  two girls came to my home, my cousin(her nick name was Baby) and her friend(my present wife). My cousin who was daughter of my father's cousin, came to stay with me and learn typing because her own cousin was living with me. Her friend  left next day to stay with her relative. I did not know much about my cousin, so I kept a distance from her for few days but slowly she went on becoming closer to me day by day. She will always call me "Dada" (elder brother) and attend all household work as a housewife does. At that time I was pursuing Master's Degree apart from full time job and in the evening I often felt tiredness. But when I use to reach home, every thing will be ready. She will cook food for us, wash our clothes and keep everything in order.  Often she will sit beside me and do everything to relieve me from the pain and tiredness of whole hectic day. She will massage me and stroke my hairs with her tender hand .  Slowly I started noticing that she will sit beside the window and wait for my arrival everyday. If I was late on any day, she will feel annoyed and complain me as to why I was late. Often for some reasons, she will be annoyed and will not talk to me for sometime but soon she will turn to me, kiss me and say, "sorry Dada".  I slowly realized that we fell in love with each other but was without any physical desire. I had never experienced love of my own sister because my own sister got married long back.This was the first time, I experienced the tenderness, purity, sacredness and power of love without any physical desire.  After few months, I got her admitted to College as per her wish and introduced her to all my friends working in the college and arranged admission in the Girls Hostel. But every Saturday evening she will wait for me to pick her up from hostel. She will stay for a night and on Sunday evening again I had to drop her to the hostel.  But in September, 1985 I got the offer of appointment from Ministry of Communications, New Delhi and had to report here very soon. I went hostel to tell her about this. She became sad but did not utter a word. On 12th October,1985, I had to finally leave Andaman. When I was about to  go for security check for boarding the flight, I found her outside the gate with her friend with a sad and sorrowful face. I went to her,  kissed her and came to Delhi.

   We remained in touch through letters for the next two years. Every alternate day she will pen down a letter to me and I kept her replying at the earliest occasion.I promised her of my love and support in her life in whatsoever way and means,I could do as her brother.  When I went to Port Blair in 1987, she met me and spent sometime with her. After I returned Delhi, slowly I found that she became irregular in writing me and finally stopped writing me anymore. I thought, it may be because of the fact that she could not pass her B.A. final exams. In 1988, when I went Andaman for my marriage, I and my would be wife went her home to meet her. It was a sort meeting as we primarily went her to invite her for our engagement. She came to drop us at the bus stop but did not reveal anything about herself.

     On the day after my marriage, her parents came to my home and told us that she married a Telugu boy before my marriage. After this, I lost her contact completely. I wrote a few times but there was no response so I gave up. I too fell busy with my own career and family but often I remembered her. I just thought she might be happy with her family and as a true love desires happiness in others happiness, I wished the same in my heart for her. I kept her photographs safely in my briefcase and often have a look and remember the time we spent together. After my marriage, I could not go to Andaman for quite long time. It was only in 1996, we went Andaman. I tried to know about her but I could not. From 1996 to 2004 we visited Andaman five times but no one told me where my first love is? The only thing I could know was that she has a daughter and a son but she is not treated well by her husband.

    It happened so that my niece got married to a family where her younger sister is also married. One day I called up her sister and asked for her mobile number. I called her one evening sometime in 2007 but she even could not recognize my voice. I told her that it is me, her Dada, she bursts in tears. I asked her a lot of questions as to what happened in these 20 years but instead of replying, she went on weeping and weeping. I just imagined that something is wrong in her married life. My wife will always annoyed if I talk to her and ask me what made her to forgot me for 20 long years. When I went Port Blair in 2009, she came to meet my family with her son. I found her happy and cheerful but never knew or measure the reality that she had pain, woes and worries in her heart. Again in 2011, when I went Port Blair she invited me at her home but it was very sort visit.  This time I found weak and frail but could not get time to ask her any thing. I will call her once in month or so but sometime in July 2012 she told me that she will be coming to Chennai and reside with her daughter who is employed there.  When she came Chennai, she will often call me and slowly our telephonic conversation became a daily schedule.  She slowly started telling me about everything of past 20 years life she spent, when I was not in touch with her. She said sorry for her mistakes and asked me of my love, prayer and support for rest of her life. When I went Port Blair for last rite of my mother in April, 2013, she came to stay with me for a night and shared with me her pain, woes and worries. I told her that even though I considered and treated her as my sister all the times, I felt the tenderness of her love for the first time in my life and I will cherish it in my whole life. She told me that she had undergone troubled life after her marriage and her problems in life made her to turn to "Holy Bible" and try to find solace on the words of God. She told me that she even fast on every friday and remember me in her prayers. When I was departing, she embraced me and reminded me the way we use to share our love when she was with me in Port Blair.  For it is written in Bible:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."Corinthians 13:4-13

     Now eventhough, she is living away from me but we feel we are again united in love to share our feelings, love, sorrows and happiness.   I always thank God for giving me back my lovely sister in my life again to whom I always considered my first sacred love.

Silver Jubilee of My Marriage

During 1985, I was working in Indian Oil Corporation, Port Blair and was residing in a accommodation provided by the Company at Dilanipur Port Blair. Sometime in March/April, 1985 two girls came to my home. One was Kathrina Tirkey and another my distant cousin Ufracia Lakra.  Ufracia came to stay with me and learn typing in a near by Institute. Kathrina stayed for a night and went to her relative to stay with them but Ufracia remained with me.  Often Kathrina will often come to my home to  see her friend and my cousin Ufracia but I never realized she had some feeling for me. In October, 1985 I finally left Port Blair and came to Delhi. She joined Teachers' Training Institute and my cousin joined Government College, Port Blair. One fine day, I got a letter from my late fourth Uncle and asked me whether I would like to marry Kathrina. I first decided to write to her directly and get an answer. The answer was "Yes" and then I wrote to my parents to go ahead with the proposal. With so many  ifs and buts in my marriage because my wife had lost her father Late William Tete when she was just six months old. Her mother re-married. But even with so many impediments  our marriage was finally blessed by Fr. Custudio SFX on 30th April, 1988. I remember, Late Fr. Peter Gomes, SFX who was my school Manager and just at that time he was Vicar General of Port Blair also intervened. After our marriage she left her job of Teacher and came along with me to Delhi and remained unemployed for a year. She got a job of Teacher in Municipal Corporation of Delhi School in July, 1989.  I always  think, we human being can never understand the will and plan of God. In due course we were blessed with two daughter Dr. Annie Juliet Barla and Ruby Gloria Barla. My cousin married to a Telugu boy and has one daughter and one son. These two girls who came to me unexpectedly, became part of my life. Though, I had lost contact with my cousin before my marriage itself and just came in contact again sometime in 2007-08, she still loves me so much beyond my expectation.In all these 25 years she extended her support to me in whatsoever way it was possible for her. She learned to adjust in a big family like mine because we still have joint family and total members are more than 30.

My Last Homage to my Mother.

   My mother expired on 08.07.2012 and since then I could not visit her tomb where she was laid to rest. The last rite should have been performed as soon as it would have been possible but so many events of my life and career, made it impossible to travel to Baratang Islands. At last, the day came and on 19.4.2013 I traveled to my homeland in Andamans as the Requiem Mass and Gammi was fixed for 22.04.2013. I reached home on 20th April, 2013 and on the next morning I went to the graveyard  of my mother. During the last two years I first lost my nephew, my cousin and and my beloved mother. She is laid rest beside the graveyard of my Bhabhi Ji Jacinta Minj. I lighted candles on their graveyard prayed for them and next day I sent my nephews to put a white cloth on the graveyard of my Mother. I felt sorry for the delay because someone in my family told me that my Mother appeared in dreams and desired early Requiem Mass and Gammi. While I was coming back I just brought a photograph snapped after her death.